The Comparison Trap: from Scarcity to Growth
We’ve all been there—scrolling through social media, watching someone else succeed, and starting to compare ourselves. But it’s not just social media. We compare ourselves to friends, colleagues, and even strangers, measuring our progress against theirs.
Why am I not there yet? What am I doing wrong?
Comparison is part of being human. It can offer us perspective—if we use it wisely. But when it leads to competition, self-doubt, and a scarcity mindset, it can drain our energy and keep us stuck. The key is knowing when comparison serves us—and when it holds us back.
My Personal Journey with Comparison
I’ve been comparing myself to others for as long as I can remember. It started in childhood when my brother received more attention than I did, and it followed me through school and into adulthood. For most of my life, this habit didn’t serve me—it made me feel insecure, behind, unworthy. Others are better. Why should I even try when someone else is already doing it? These thoughts kept me stuck, feeding my doubts rather than my dreams.
From the outside, it might have looked like I was just winging it, figuring things out as I went, and had it all together without any issues. But the reality was very different. I felt insecure in almost every part of my life—whether it was my professional path, personal life, or my relationships. There was always an underlying feeling of not being enough.
When I began my healing journey in 2021, I started examining my patterns and how they had kept me stuck in a victim mindset. Comparison was one of the biggest ones. It showed up strongly during my breathwork training and again when I was preparing to launch Unbound Flow. I’d see fellow breathwork instructors on social media—thriving, sharing their success, and doing exactly what I wanted to do. And while a part of me felt inspired, a bigger part of me questioned myself: Why should I even get started when there are already so many out there? Even after launching Unbound Flow, the comparison didn’t stop. I thought once I took the leap, the doubts would fade—but they didn’t. I kept looking at what others were doing, wondering if I was doing enough, if I was good enough. I saw people with bigger followings, more engagement, seemingly effortless success, and that same old voice crept back in: I’m behind. I won’t catch up.
Rather than putting myself out there fully, I stayed in my little comfort bubble, hesitating, second-guessing. But something started to shift when I surrounded myself with beautiful, supportive friends. Their growth and the way they showed up in their work deeply inspired me. It pushed me to step outside my comfort zone and take action—even when it felt uncomfortable.
Then, just yesterday, I joined a women’s circle facilitated by two of my friends. I watched them lead with authenticity and playfulness, creating a space that felt both transformative and deeply meaningful. I was so proud of them—and inspired. Their growth, their presence, their way of holding space—it didn’t take anything away from me. Instead, it sparked something inside me: I am so ready for all of this, too. But it wasn’t until this morning, as I was integrating the experience, that I had a simple yet profound realisation—I had been caught in the comparison trap all along.
I truly believed that after all the inner work, I had developed a growth mindset. And yet, there was still a part of me stuck in scarcity thinking. I had been learning from others, but at the same time, I was still measuring myself against them. Not just in terms of success, but in how they showed up, how confident they seemed, how effortlessly they expressed themselves. There was even a small part of me that felt like I wasn’t enough—not as experienced, not as grounded, not as seen.
Comparison itself isn’t holding you back.
It’s how you use it and the mindset behind it that either expands or limits you.
Social media makes it all too easy to fall into the comparison trap. We see the highlight reels—success stories, achievements, confidence—but rarely the full journey.
What we usually don’t see:
The moments of doubt and imposter syndrome.
The failures, rejections, and setbacks along the way.
The hours of work, practice, and dedication it took to get there.
It’s easy to believe that someone’s success, confidence or growth happened effortlessly. But in reality, every chapter of evolution comes with its struggles.
More people share their struggles, but we still only see part of the story. When we compare ourselves to what’s shared online, we don’t always see the doubts, setbacks, and unseen work behind the growth.
When Comparison Creates a Scarcity Mindset
Comparison in itself isn’t bad. The problem arises when we use it to measure our worth instead of supporting our growth. This leads to a scarcity mindset, making us believe there isn’t enough space, opportunity, or recognition for all of us.
This way of thinking can:
Make us feel like we’re behind, even when we’re making progress.
Push us into unnecessary competition rather than collaboration.
Create self-doubt that keeps us from taking action.
But there is room for everyone to grow in their own way, and more importantly at their own pace.
The Shift: Using Comparison as Inspiration
When we shift our mindset, comparison can actually support our own growth. Instead of thinking, Why am I not there yet? and feeling impatient with ourselves, we can ask:
What can I learn from this person’s journey?
What does their growth reflect about what I truly want?
How can I turn this into motivation instead of self-doubt?
When we shift from judging ourselves to learning from others, comparison becomes an opportunity for expansion rather than a reason to hold ourselves back.
Growth isn’t about keeping up with someone else—it’s about honoring your own path.
Comparing your first chapter to someone else’s tenth will only steal your joy. Everyone’s timeline is different, and your journey is uniquely yours. Instead of competing for space, focus on following your own path—step by step, breath by breath.
The Best Comparison: You versus You
While external comparison can be inspiring, the most meaningful progress happens when you compare yourself to who you were yesterday—not to who someone else is today.
Instead of asking: Why am I not as confident, grounded, or accomplished as them?
Try asking: How have I supported myself and grown, even in the smallest way?
This mindset keeps you focused on progress, not perfection. It builds confidence, deepens self-awareness, and reminds you that every step forward matters—especially the small ones.
So, next time comparison creeps in, ask yourself:
Am I using this to lift myself up or tear myself down?
How can I turn this into motivation rather than self-doubt?
What’s one step I can take today to move forward on my own journey?
Your growth is yours alone. And that’s more than enough. You are more than enough.